Fake it 'til you make it

Yesterday was a hard day for me. I'm trying really hard to make healthy my nature instead of something I have to work ridiculously hard for, but I'm not there yet. Sometimes the difficulty wears me out, and I get really emotional about the whole thing. Here are a few confessions:

The last thing I want to do at 6:40 am when it's still dark and everyone else is still sleeping is get out of my nice warm bed and drive to the gym. It's been 2 months. It's not getting any easier. I still haven't missed a single day, but sometimes I really resent it. Nobody who sees me there would ever guess that about me though, because they are all really sweet, and I wouldn't want to bother them with my bad attitude. So I fake it. And maybe I'll always be faking it, but maybe someday I might be genuinely happy to be working out at 7 am. Haha.

My 18 month old hates chicken. I can't really blame her either, because I'm starting to get sick of it myself.

Cooking healthy food takes more time than I can give some days. I don't want to cook lunch. I want to eat a peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich on two pieces of real bread with a nice glass of milk and some fruit. Or share mac n cheese with my daughter. I don't want to cook breakfast either. I want to eat a bowl of cereal and call it good. My dad came home from a month long business trip once and said he never wanted to see scrambled eggs again. I'm starting to feel that way too. And you know, when I know that my daughter isn't going to eat the healthy dinner I cooked, I'm much less happy to cook it. I love to cook. But lately I've been so stressed out about what to eat that the joy is completely sucked out of the cooking/eating experience. It's just another chore I have to do every day.

I will never not want fries and a shake. When my husband brings them home with his dinner, and I eat my burger with half a bun, I get more mad than I should. He doesn't even really like fries all that much.

There is no food in my house. I say that way more often than I want to. I hate going to the grocery store, and I hate that I can spend so much and have to go back a week later.

Ok, I think that's enough confessing for now. Just for the record, the scale read 206 again this morning. I didn't really gain a pound last week, it's just that I don't go to the gym over the weekend, so my Monday weigh in is almost always a disappointment, and I need to get over it. Or start my weeks on Tuesdays.

Challenge Update: Week 5

Sorry I didn't post an update for week 4. I weighed in last Monday at 206.8. Today I weighed in at 208, which was definitely a bummer, but not only for the obvious reason. Let me explain a little.

According to the plan I'm following, I should have started the "maintenance" phase last Monday. But I thought, "hey, I've been dropping 2 lbs pretty consistently on the 1500 cal. phase. Lets see if I can last another week." Unfortunately that week was completely wasted. I was lazy. I didn't plan. I didn't eat more than 1500 calories in a day (except for Thursday, which was my anniversary and I shared one of those amazing giant chocolate cake balls with italian cream filling. It was called a tortufo, and it was free for our anniversary. Good thing we only go there once a year)  but I wasn't as smart about it as I should have been. If anything I didn't eat enough. I skipped snacks when I was too busy. I didn't drink as much water as I should have. So I was trying to get ahead of the game, and it totally backfired. I wasted that week when I should have been on maintenance, in preparation for beginning the cycle again. Now I have to wait longer before I can really start losing again. Which is a pain in the middle of a competition.

But gaining a pound is really not that big of a setback in the grand scheme of things. Today I got weighed and measured at Curves, and I brought home a progress report. I have lost 14 lbs since I started this blog, but I have lost almost 18 lbs of body fat, which means I have gained 4 lbs of muscle. My body fat percentage has dropped from 40.5% to 34.7%. I have lost at least 2 inches from my bust, waist, abdomen, hips and thighs. And the people around me are starting to notice. I'm starting to notice that my clothes fit differently. I'm able to wear things I haven't worn in a long time. Christmas is in 2 months. I'm hoping that by then, I'll be a few lbs under 200, and I'll never see that number on the scale again.

My favorite pair of jeans

A little more than three years ago I bought this pair of jeans that I LOVED. I loved them because they fit perfectly. They sat on my natural waist, which is where I like my jeans to sit. They were the perfect color, the perfect length (what jeans are ever the perfect length?) and they were so comfortable. And they were a size smaller than I had ever bought jeans for myself. This pair of jeans was so great that I didn't give up wearing them even after they were a little too big. 

A few months after baby #1, I tried them on. I was pretty disappointed because they fit everywhere except the zipper. Because duh, your body changes shape when you have a baby. So they fit my waist and my legs and my butt, but not my hips. Not that that meant I could never wear these jeans again, I just needed to lose a few more pounds. But they wouldn't be the same. They wouldn't be the perfect jeans for me anymore. And I didn't end up losing those few more pounds before I got pregnant again. 

Even after that realization though, those jeans are still a benchmark to shoot for. Yesterday I tried them on, and it was a little harder than I like it to be, but I got them zipped up! I even sat down in them! I wouldn't wear them out of the house yet, but we are getting close folks. And of course, I have hope that there is another perfect pair of jeans out there for me.

Challenge update: week 3

Yesterday began week four of the fitness challenge, and I am down to 208! That means I have lost 10 lbs in 3 weeks! I'm pretty proud of that, and I hope I can keep it up for a while.

Last week was harder than it needed to be. Why? Because I didn't make a plan. I didn't take an hour to write down what I was going to eat 5 meals a day for the week. Why not? Honestly, I just didn't get around to it. And here it is Tuesday, and I haven't done it this week either. Before you get too disappointed, that doesn't mean that I didn't stick to my plan. I did, it was just harder. I had to think about what I was going to eat way ahead of time. I wasn't prepared to cut veggies or put chicken in the crock pot in the morning so that I wouldn't have to worry about it for dinner. I was stressed out about it. But not as stressed as I would have been a couple weeks ago, because I'm so used to cooking and eating the right things now that it's becoming second nature.

The other risky thing I did last week was go to the grocery store without deciding what's for dinner this week. I made a list of basics that I knew I was missing, and hopefully I have most of what I need. I hate the grocery store because I never know exactly how much I'm going to spend. I'm going to hate it even more next month if the government shutdown lasts, because I'm on WIC, which saves me $150 on formula every month. Seriously. I could feed my entire family for $150/month if I tried really hard. And that's what it costs to feed my 4 month old.

Anyway, it's that magical nap time again. It's a little later today, and I hope it lasts. Maybe I can make my meal plan.

An almost failed dinner experience

Last night I failed to plan. There isn't much food in my house at the moment, and I had to take my daughter to the doctor in the late afternoon, then I picked up my husband from school, and I just wasn't in the mood to cook by the time we were all hungry. So I asked my husband to pick me up a chicken quesadilla from Diegos. Not a great choice, but not the worst choice either. And I planned on sharing with my 1 year old. Unfortunately, there was a sign in front of Diegos that said they were closed for 30 days. My husband decided to go to the closest Mexican drive through he could find. They only use GIGANTIC white flour tortillas, which are nowhere near approved. I might have actually eaten some of it, except that he somehow thought I wanted guacamole instead of chicken, so we ended up with a giant cheese and guacamole quesadilla. Actually two of them, because he also forgot that I wanted to share. I cut some up for baby #1, then I stared at it for a couple minutes feeling like an idiot and trying to decide if there was anything I could do to convince myself this was ok to eat. I couldn't. I didn't want to make my husband feel bad, but this comfort food, which I would probably have eaten every bit of, was not worth it. So, I found myself a wheat tortilla, some cheddar cheese and some leftover chicken from the night before and and onion, and I made myself a quick much healthier quesadilla. And you know what? It was delicious.

I hate wasting money. It pains me. So instead of throwing away an entire gigantic quesadilla, I had my husband take it downtown and give it to one of the homeless guys who usually hang out on the same bench every night. I hope he enjoyed it more than I would have.

I found myself really wanting that quesadilla. Honestly, the only reason I didn't eat it was because it didn't have chicken. But resisting was totally worth it. When I stepped on the scale this morning I saw 209. That is officially less than what I claimed as my pre-pregnancy weight. I don't really know what my pre-pregnancy weight was with #2. It could have been more than 210, but that was my best guess. So I have lost round one of baby weight! Now on to round two, which is about twice as much.

Chili is my best friend

As I've said before, giving up fall baking is really hard for me. Luckily there is another fall food tradition that I don't have to give up. It's chili/soup season! I know you have to be careful with some soups, but most of them can be a really healthy dinner. They are packed with a good balance of veggies and protein, and they fill up your tummy without a ton of calories.

My favorite soups are the ones I can make in the slow cooker. There is this magical hour (sometimes 2 if I'm lucky) in the morning when both my babies are napping. This doesn't happen for the rest of the day, so if I can get dinner prepped during that hour it's a huge bonus.

I love chili. I don't always make it in the slow cooker, because I can do it pretty quick on the stove if I need to. But why cook dinner at dinner time when I'm already hungry if I can do it in the morning and eat when I'm hungry? I don't really have a go-to recipe for chili. I just kind of throw together whatever meat/beans/veggies/spices happen to be around and strike my fancy. I do usually season my chili with taco seasoning, because then I don't have to guess what spices and how much to put in there. Every time I make chili it is one of a kind. Except when I make my family recipe white chicken chili. But I don't think that particular recipe is especially healthy so I save it for... some other time when I'm not in a competition to lose as much weight as possible :)

Here's a relatively quick 1 serving chili recipe that I kind of based my giant pot of chili on today:

Saute your favorite vegetables (such as garlic, onion, bell pepper, celery) and spices in 1 t oil.
Add in 3 oz 95% lean ground beef and cook through.
Stir in 1/2 can diced tomatoes with all its juice and 1/4 c each of cooked black beans, pinto beans, and kidney beans.
Stir together and cook until bubbly.
Top with 1 oz (1/4 c) shredded low fat cheddar cheese.

What I eat in a typical day: 1500 calorie edition

Phase 2 of the Curves meal plan is 1500 calories/day for 3 weeks. So here's what I eat on a typical day.

7am - Greek Yogurt. I like Chobani Champions tubes. 70 calories of fruity yogurt goodness.

8:30 am - 1 slice of whole wheat toast with 1 1/2 T peanut butter, 1 hard boiled egg and 1 hard boiled egg white.

10:30 am - 1 string cheese and 8 wheat thins. Ok, wheat thins are probably not the best choice for weight loss, but this does qualify as a 100-200 calorie protein/carb balanced snack. On days I don't eat peanut butter for breakfast, I usually go with celery and peanut butter for my morning snack.

12:30 pm - Creamy chicken sandwich - 1/4 c 1% fat cottage cheese with 1 t ranch seasoning with 4 oz shredded chicken in a whole wheat pita with 1 oz provolone cheese and 1/2 c sliced cucumber on the side. This is probably my favorite quick lunch. My biggest struggle is that I want my lunch to be quick all the time, and cooking up a healthy lunch is not always as quick as I want.

3:00 pm - Apple and peanut butter with 1/2 c cottage cheese.

5:30 pm - Baked meatballs with tomato sauce, served with steamed mixed veggies. My family likes this one because I can just make some spaghetti noodles for them. I don't have to eat them, but they don't feel like they are missing out. Here's the recipe for the meatballs from the Curves book. I doubled it so I could share.

Preheat oven to 375.
Gently combine 5 oz 95% lean ground beef, 1 slice whole wheat bread (I just dumped in a bunch of bread crumbs...probably not even 1/4 c) 1/4 c egg substitute (or 1 large egg) and 1/4 c diced onions.
Wet your hands and form into 6 meatballs.
Brown meatballs on stove.
Finish cooking in the oven for 20 minutes, or until they are cooked through and reach an internal temp of 165.

They were really good meatballs. My husband loved them.

Week 2 challenge report

Two weeks down and 6 to go!

I'm happy to report that I lost 2 1/2 lbs last week, bringing me down to 211. That makes me feel pretty good, because let me tell you it's always been hard for me to lose 2 lbs during my first 1500 calorie week after losing 3-5 during my 1200 calorie week. I cheated just a little... I ate a little less than half of a pumpkin spice donut from the bakery down the street. I would have eaten the whole thing, but I told my husband the night before that I was only going to eat half of it ( I ended up giving a few bites to my 1 year old even) and when I went to find the other half an hour later he had eaten it. Way to take one for the team I guess.

Just now I listened to the Take Shape for Life client support call from last week, and they really emphasized the importance and the successes of eating 6 small meals a day. The Curves plan has 5 meals a day, but I eat 6 because I need something before I work out in the morning and I don't want my whole breakfast that early. Usually I go for a granola bar or greek yogurt. I have to eat something sweet before I eat anything else or I'll feel sick. Anyway, I learned that in studies, those who eat 6 meals a day, rather than the same calorie count but only 3 meals a day lose more weight. Eating 6 meals a day that are protein/carb balanced keeps you full and happy because it helps to stabilize blood sugar and keep your cravings under control so you are in a good mood all day. I have noticed that this works for me. Eating 6 meals a day is a healthy life habit, it's not just what you should do when you are losing weight. My whole family needs to eat this way forever.

I'm going to try to do better at blogging during the magical hours from about 10:30 to noon when both my babies are sleeping :) I really do have a lot to blog about, and it kind of overwhelms me so I don't know where to start.